In the end...

In the end, everything happens for a reason.
In the end, it all works out okay.
In the end, God has handled it all. He always does.


I've been going through a lot lately. Most of it is personal, and if you're reading this and know me well, you probably already know anyway. I'll be the first to admit that I have not been the person I want to be lately. I've been a pretty awful person, and I apologize to everyone for that. The person I have been the past week is not who I am, and not who I want to be. I'm putting her in the past and moving on toward a new me, because that's what God has done. He has forgiven me even though I don't deserve it at all. I'm so undeserving of His grace and His love, but He still showers me with blessings anyway. He turns my pain into blessings, and I love Him so much because He loves me unconditionally. Nothing I can ever do or say will make Him love me less, and He is an amazing Friend, Father, Love, and God for that.

So to everyone reading this, I promise to be a better person. I promise to commit myself to that, because in the past week, I've been someone that even I wouldn't be friends with. I love you all and I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

Wish I Had The Answers To Life

How many times do I wish I could just have all of life's answers in the palm of my hand? I know, I know, that wouldn't be exciting. But it would be a lot less stressful for me. I went to ESU as an elementary education major. Halfway through my first semester, I changed my major to undecided. I know, I do things backwards sometimes, apparently. Changing my major was extremely stressful for me. I mean I had it all planned out. I was going to get my bachelor's in elementary education and then get my master's in special education. I knew the town I wanted to teach in, the school I wanted to teach at, the grade level I wanted to teach. I had EVERYTHING planned out. So of course I would be very stressed when changing my major. Basically I just threw away every little detail I had planned and took a dive into the unknown. I'm more of a planner, not really a spontaneous type of girl, but every once in a while I'll take a risk and jump into life without knowing where it will take me. So now that I'm undecided on a career choice, I've just been taking gen eds that I absolutely HATE this semester. I only like one of my classes this semester, my Constructing Your Career class, which is basically to open your eyes to all the different types of majors and careers out there and help you figure out what you'd be good at. I really like that class. I have been thinking about pursuing a career in Speech & Language Pathology. I really feel like it's something that I could be great at and enjoy doing it every day for the rest of my life. But we'll see. A lot has happened within the past 2 weeks that have taken my world for quite a ride. I won't go into details about it all, because not all of it needs said. But I figured if I'm not going to get a degree from ESU, I might as well move back home and finish up my gen eds at a community college. It would be cheaper and help me save money for when I transfer after my gen eds are finished. And either way, staying at ESU or moving back home, I'll be transferring after my gen eds are done. I'm thinking maybe KU as of right now. But nothing is really set in stone yet. I have my days, you know? Like one day I'm dead-set on moving back home. And then days like today, I question my sanity and whether I'll ever know what I want in life or not. Days like today, the thought of leaving ESU just tears me apart and makes my heart ache. I've been getting really close to a couple of my guy friends lately, and honestly just even packing my bags to head home today for Spring Break made me sad. Lame, right? I'm supposed to be thrilled to be heading home, especially since I was SOOOO horribly homesick last week and came home last weekend. But all I could think about was if I move back home, that means I only have 2 months left to hang out with these guys. I mean yeah, I'd come back up and visit, obviously. But what is the point of moving up to ESU and making such wonderful friends to only move back home and grow apart from them again? I can't even count how many times I've almost cried about all of this just today alone. A 3 hour drive home gives a girl a lot of time to think about deep issues of life. Anyway, I don't know what I'll do. I keep going back and forth between the idea of moving back home and staying up at ESU. I will figure it out, eventually, but for now, I'm just dealing with being an emotional girl who feels like crying over silly things, because that's what girls do.