Time is Nothing But My Friend

I'm making changes in my life. Slowly, but surely, I'll end up where I want to be. I'm not completely satisfied with everything yet, including myself, but I will get there. And instead of stressing about all of this, I'm content with it. I'm ready to take part in this journey in my life and be who I want to be, and learn to love myself for who I am, on the outside and on the inside. It won't happen overnight, but I'm okay with that. I'm ready.

Not only am I ready for this journey of learning to love myself and be happy with myself, but I'm also ready for these next few weeks in general. Next week will be spent preparing for finals, and that weekend I'm going on vacation with my family. Not just my immediate family, but my entire family. I literally can't wait. The week after next is finals, which won't be fun, but honestly probably won't be horrible either.

Then the 19th, I have my heart surgery. *dramatic silence for serious effect* Haha but no, really, I am so ready for this. I just don't feel nervous. Not yet, anyway. I'm sure when I get there and it's about to happen, I'll flip a switch and freak out. But right now? No, not yet. I'm just peaceful about it all. I know it needs to happen, and with as much as my heart has been bothering me lately, I'm beyond ready for this ablation. I know I will be better off after, and also, I'm ready to spend my week of recovery at my parents' house with them. There's just something about leaving Empo and being 3 hours away from all my friends. I love my friends to death, and I love ESU so much. And as much as I say I hate my hometown, I really don't. I don't even really hate anyone from my hometown. Honestly, I just dislike the small town mentality that everyone there has. The mindset is so selfish, all about taking and not at all about giving. As cheesy as this sounds, now that I've been away from home for so long, I feel like I've started living. Honestly, when you live in a small town, you're stuck in your own little world, your own little comfort zone. And until you move far enough away to become your own person, you're sort of okay with that. But life is so much bigger. Moving away was probably the best thing I ever could have done. Yet, as much as I say I never want to move back there, I don't mind visiting. In fact, sometimes I crave visits to back home. I miss my little small town SEK so much.

Anyway, I'm just feeling content and peaceful right now and it's been a long time since I've felt like this. It's a wonderful feeling, really. You should try it sometime :)
This is really all I have to write right now. Hope everyone is having a wonderful day :)

xoxo,
n.