Okay, so for one, I can't get over how addicted I am to E.T. by Katy Perry. I'm not even like a huge Katy Perry fan or anything. And I also started out hating this song lol. I'm listening to it now, FYI. But that really has nothing to do with this post. I'm just random :) P.S. If you haven't seen the music video for it yet, you're NOT missing out. It's so messed up and creepy and weird. Quite a catchy song though :)
So anyway. Update on my life. Currently still wondering what the heck I'm going to do next year for living arrangements. And yes, I'm still staying at ESU, haven't changed my mind yet again on that lol. But my living situation for next year has changed so many times it's ridiculous. I've learned to not stress about it though. God will work everything out and things will be okay. But wherever I live for next year, I really really REALLY hope they allow cats because I freaking miss my cat so much. Yeah, I know, she's the most hateful specimen on this planet Earth, but I still love her! She's my baby :)
Also, in case anyone is wondering right now, I'm starving. I'm hungry ALL THE TIME.
I'm really super duper excited because my bff Amanda is coming up in TWO DAYS! I can't wait to see her. It has been too long. Out of all my friends throughout the years, Amanda and I have remained close. Friends seem to come and go throughout high school and college and yeah, that's sad, but it also helps you find out who your true friends are. And Amanda is definitely my true friend. I love that girl to pieces.
ALSO, I've been having the craziest dreams lately. I can't control them, obviously, but seriously! My brain must visit crazy land when I'm asleep or something. Or maybe I somehow accidentally consume a strange amount of drugs and trip while I'm sleeping because that would also make sense as an explanation. Just kidding though, I'm no druggie. But really, is there no such thing as a normal dream for me? Oh well.
And one more thing. Why stress about small things? There's no point in sweating the small stuff. That's my conclusion for life lately. Will it matter in a year? Probably not. So don't stress it! :)
I know, this post was extremely pointless and probably a waste of your time. But I'm a random girl and felt like posting a random blog. So ta-da! :)
xoxo, n.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." -Hebrews 11:1
"For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God." -1 John 5:4-5
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" -Jeremiah 29:11
These are just a few Bible verses that are making me feel a little bit better right now. Going through a few stressful things and I'm not sure how it's all going to pan out. I know God has a plan for me and that His will will be done (will will? That's quite a phrase) but it's hard to have faith in that sometimes. I'm very stubborn at times (as He knows, because He made me) and that gets in the way of my faith. I'm trying to work on trusting Him fully and giving everything up to Him because at this point, placing everything in His hands is all I can do. I'm not sure I've really ever been in a situation before where I didn't know how things would end up. I mean obviously no one knows how anything will end up in life, but it's hard having things planned out and then in the blink of an eye, your plans change and you're left wondering what in the world you're going to do. Trusting God with all of this right now is all that I know to do, because I know that if I give it all up to Him and place it all in His hands, He will take care of everything. That's all I know to do right now.
xoxo, n.
Silence is peaceful.
Your silence intrigues me.
One step at a time I move closer to you.
One look in your eyes and I'm sinking.
I see your secrets, your truths, your lies.
I see everything you want to hide,
All your dreams, your hopes, your fears.
I see your life, your tears.
I'm drowning in you, in this sea of who you are.
Your love teases me, begs me to follow you.
One step at a time I fall into you, forgetting who I am.
I breathe you in, fill my lungs with everything about you.
Obsession.
Lust.
I crave you, your strengths, your flaws.
Offer me everything.
But everything is never enough.
More. I'll always want more.
Starving myself of every basic thing,
I take you in.
I live for you, breathe for you.
My world revolves around you.
Nothing you say can hurt me.
Nothing you do can bring me down.
I'm invincible.
I'm chaotic.
Call me crazy; I'll call me devoted.
Constantly thinking about you, needing you.
You are my drug, my rush of adrenaline.
You are my high.
Without you, I can't function, can't move.
Can't think unless you're in my thoughts.
Can't breathe unless you're with me.
I need you.
Addiction.
My head spins without you, my heart aches, my body shakes.
When you're gone, I crash, hard.
I fall, forever.
I fall into oblivion.
I fall for eternity.
Sleep overtakes me.
My life is silenced.
Silence is morbid.
Soooo I'm back again, blogging about how fickle I am. I'm sitting here just sort of chuckling at myself because a few blogs back, I said I was moving back home next year to finish up my gen eds. Well, big surprise, I've decided to stay at ESU next year! And I'm actually very confident about this decision, so that's good, right? :) Anyway, I'm actually pretty excited about a few of my classes for next semester, so we'll see how it all goes.
A couple other girls and I need to start looking at places to live, and I mean, PRONTO. We haven't really done any house/apartment hunting yet and I feel like it would be good to get a start on that, you know, sometime in the near future. As in, probably next week lol. I'll keep you all updated on how our "hunt" goes!
On another note, I've been going through a lot of things lately. It's personal, so sorry internet world, but I'm not sharing my personal problems with you this time. All I can say is that prayer would be greatly appreciated. This thing that I am going through is tearing me apart. I have my good days and my bad days, and then I have the days (or nights) when I lay in bed crying my heart out at 1 in the morning, just sobbing because I don't know what else to do and I've let it all build up inside of me. Today was a good day, and I plan on the next fews days being pretty good also. Every time I think about it, I pray. As soon as I think about it and start getting upset, I start praying that God will take care of things. I've prayed about it so many times that I don't even really know what to say anymore. I just keep praying the same things over and over again. And I usually just end my prayer with giving it all up to God because I don't know what else to do. I know prayer is powerful and God can work miracles, and at this point, all I have left in me is faith that He will take care of things. It's so hard to believe that everything will be okay, just because it's in my human nature to worry. But I know a lot of people are praying and God is hearing those prayers, and everything happens for a reason. I'm trusting Him with this because it's all I can do. On the plus side, all this praying is causing me to become closer in my relationship with God.
Anyway, there's some insight into what's going on in my life lately. Hope you all enjoyed and please be praying, every prayer counts.
xoxo, n.
