Crazy Love and Conviction

A dear friend of mine gave me the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan and insisted that I read it. Literally all I had heard about the book was that it was so good and that Francis Chan was amazing. I didn't doubt either thing; I just had other books on my reading list, so I never got around to checking out what this book had to offer. I read the foreword (which is written by Chris Tomlin) and immediately texted her after I had read the whole two pages of it: "Okay, I just read the foreword of Crazy Love and I'm already feeling conviction! Lol thanks God." But seriously... The conviction is real and it's unavoidable. (Also, if you haven't read my previous post about conviction, you should so that you'll understand how I feel about conviction. Click here to check it out.)

I want to share with you some of the things God spoke to me about while I was reading the foreword. I'm sharing these because 1. I don't want you to feel alone if you are being convicted as well, and 2. Fellowship is good for the soul.

So, now that we've discussed that, here are some things God pointed out to me:

• Chris Tomlin says this about his friend, Francis Chan: "Francis is one of those rare people you come across in life who leaves you wanting to be better...But most important, Francis leaves you wanting more of Jesus" (13).
• What does my walk with Christ say to the world?
• Do people want to be better after spending time with me or after talking with me?
• Do I leave people wanting more of Jesus?
• When people look at me or spend time with me, can they even tell that I want more of Jesus?
• What am I doing to show Jesus (and other people) that I want more of Him?
• Am I being intentional with my faith?

• Chris also says this: "...I would say that Francis is the ultimate realist. Meaning, someone who believes that God is really who He says He is and that the true reality of this life is to follow Him wholeheartedly" (13).
• Wholeheartedly. Wow. Do I make the conscious effort every day to have the constant belief that God is who He says He is? Do I make the conscious effort every day to follow Him wholeheartedly? (With my whole heart, meaning there isn't room for anything else to occupy my heart but God.)

• Chris goes on: "Isn't it interesting that in Acts 11, at the end of verse 26, it says, 'The disciples were called Christians first at Antioch.' What I find interesting is the simple thought that the Christians didn't name themselves. But rather, they were called (or named) 'Christians' by those watching their lives. I wonder if it would be the same today. Could someone look at your life or look at my life and name me a Christian? A humbling question for sure" (14).
• Yes, it is humbling indeed. This definitely made me sit back and "Hmmm..." a bit about how I'm living my life. It brought to mind something I've heard in the past: Is what I'm living for worth Christ dying for? Very thought-provoking indeed.

• Again, Chris causes me to really sit back and evaluate myself, my life, and my beliefs when he says this: "As Francis so brilliantly illustrates, the life that Jesus calls us to is absolute craziness to the world. Sure, it's fine and politically correct to believe in God, but to really love Him is a whole different story. Yeah, it's nice and generous to give to the needy at Christmas or after some disaster, but to sacrifice your own comfort and welfare for another may look like madness to a safe and undisturbed world" (14). (And then he goes on to say, "I encourage you to face up to the convictions of Crazy Love." Thanks, Mr. Tomlin. As if I'm not feeling convicted enough, you had to go and affirm what God is telling me. P.S. I really am thankful. I promise.)
• This is the conviction that brought tears to my eyes, and honestly, the reason why is because through it, God is telling me (again) to trust Him and to trust His plans for me.
• The part that really got me was when Chris says, "...to sacrifice your own comfort and welfare for another may look like madness to a safe and undisturbed world." God hasn't called me to a life of comfort. Accepting this teaching position and being a first-year teacher (and attempting to prepare for that) scares me, and I'm scared for three reasons.
1. This is new to me. Very, very new. I've taught before in student teaching, but I've never had my own classroom and taught in my own classroom. It's a big change, and it's really just fear of the unknown.
2. I know that I know that I KNOW I am exactly where God has called me to be at this point in my life. The transition period was, at times, excruciatingly painful, gut-wrenching, and filled with tears, but I survived it (seriously with a lot of support from family, friends, and most importantly, God). Now I am fulfilling the calling He has placed on my life, the passion He has placed in my heart. And I have zero idea what I'm doing. Which leads me to number three...
3. I am way out of my comfort zone. I know, I mean 100%-without-a-shadow-of-a-doubt know, that I will sacrifice my comfort and welfare for my students this year. And that just lets me know, again, that I am where I'm supposed to be and that I am doing what God is calling me to do.

So, what is the result from all of this? Well, in case there was ever any doubt, we now know for sure that "English major" is written on my heart, since I got all of this just from reading TWO PAGES. But on a more serious note, I don't know right now what the result is from all of this. All I know is that God very lovingly and very firmly just opened a whole new depth to my relationship with Him. I have heard Him; now comes my responsibility to show that I listened by obeying Him and following where He leads me. Stay tuned for more.

Xoxo,

n.