Poem Anyone? Yep, I wrote it.

Hearing voices again
It’s nothing but the wind
Bringing back memories
Remembering miseries
Too realistic to ever relive

Mending hearts of fear
Doubt too real, too near
Pain so careless
Embers aglow
Tears fall now, cascading

Surround yourself with love
Yet all alone you’ll be
Mind is weak
Body is frail
Faint is your soul, you see

Despondent, destroyed, useless
Never looking up, hopeless
Life is brutal, cruel
Love is delusive, misleading
Unreachable…breathe your last breath.

Packrat Much?

I'm putting some CDs in my iTunes that I thought I had on there already but apparently didn't, so I'm taking this time to blog.
 So I came to the realization today (a few minutes ago, actually) that I am a HUGE packrat. I thought moving half my stuff to the dorms last year was bad. Ohhhh no. It does NOT even compare to what I am going through right now. Moving almost all my stuff to an apartment is SO much worse! My room looks like a tornado or hurricane or some powerful unwanted force of nature has just completely torn it to shreds. Okay, that may be exaggerating a bit, but honestly, I can hardly walk in it! Granted, it's been a mess for a year or so now (probably longer if I'm going to be 100% honest about it), but right now it is just filled with piles of CRAP. The piles aren't even useful. Probably half of them, if not more, are just filled with random stuff that I don't need, nor do I even have any idea what to do with any of it. The thought of touching anything in my room and actually putting it somewhere is horrifying, not because it takes effort (haha, although I am lazy!) but because I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT. I have two trash bags full of clothes I need to get rid of (I think? I'm not entirely sure what is inside them, I still have yet to work up the nerve to look. All I know is it ISN'T trash lol). And I also have a trash bag full of shoes I need to get rid of. And anything I haven't worn in the past year is also being tossed out (and by tossed out, I mean sold or given away). My bed has currently been taken over by piles of neatly folded clothes that also need to be sold. I just don't even know what to do with myself right now. I keep thinking, "Oh, I've been organizing/cleaning for a while now, I'm sure I've made tons of progress" and then I take a step back and cry (Usually I just stand in my doorway and metaphorically cry. Even I'm not that much of a baby lol). The goal to all of this going away and being accomplished is to have my mom help me with it. Yeah yeah, I may be 19 (almost 20!) but it will really be beneficial and to everyone's immense pleasure if my mom helps me with all this. Mainly I just want her help so that A) I don't have to do it all by myself and wallow in my self-pity from becoming a horrible packrat of useless crap over the years, and B) So my piles of said useless crap don't eat me alive. At least if she's here she can pull me out if a pile swallows me whole.

Anyway, I went over to Amanda's new house today and it is ADORABLE. Hence the reason I came back home and wanted to get all my stuff packed up and organized. Well, THAT didn't happen. Oh well. Slowly but surely it's getting done. I just don't have time for it to "slowly and surely" get done! I move in 10 days!!! You know, Amanda gave me some boxes she was done with. Maybe I should bring them in and start packing stuff into them. That mighttt be a good solution to my problems. Just maybe...

Oh! And yesterday I went for a drive. Big news, I know. Well I just needed to get out of the house for a while, and that's one benefit of living on dirt roads. They'll take you wherever you want to go but give you alone time at the same time. So there's this little dip in the road a few miles by my house. And when I say "little dip in the road" I mean it's basically a small valley. And by "little dip in the road" I also mean that the road basically drops down so low at this point in its course that the creek going across it actually DOES go across it. I drove through some water during my country cruise. So as I'm about to drive through this creek (don't worry, no harm was done to my Baby E. That's my car, FYI), I see this HUGE turtle. And I got all excited because it's really the first turtle I've seen all summer. Okay, maybe the second, whatever. So I'm gonna get out and take a picture of him (or her? Is it possible to tell the gender of a turtle?) when I see this truck coming down the road toward me. Now being a tiny girl and not wanting to get kidnapped/sold to slaves/abused/any other horrible sounding thing, I kept driving, with a downtrodden heart. So I drive on down the road and end up turning around, because darn it, I am determined to get a picture of this amazing turtle friend of mine! So as I'm driving BACK toward this little dip in the road/huge creek covered road-valley, I see this SAME truck coming back toward me! At this point I start flashing back through all the great memories of my life, because I am just SURE I'm going to get dragged out of my car and murdered, by him and his adorable-looking dog in the front seat beside him. AND he was on the phone so I'm almost 99% sure he was plotting my death with his drug lord or something. Anyway, I make it past him (ALIVE!) and lo and behold, THE TURTLE IS GONE! I even stopped my car in the middle of the creek/road thing and looked for him/her/it! (At this point I just don't even know what to call the turtle.) I'm also 99% sure that man stole my turtle friend, and I was very upset with him.

Okay soooo, I'll be the first to admit that whole story was overly exaggerated. But it really did happen! And I really do think he stole my turtle friend. But honestly, it was a little creepy that he had turned around and I had to pass him again. Granted, I did the same thing, but STILL.

Obviously I am entirely too bored right now because this blog post happened. But I hope it has proved entertaining to all of you. I'M entertained by it and I'm the one who wrote it! :)


Anywhoooo. I'm gonna end it here because I'm really running out of witty things to say.
On that note, have a good day! :)
xoxo, n.

Did Some Redesigning!

So is it just me or do you guys think the word "redesigning" is a weird word? Yeah...maybe it's just me. But anywayyy. I did a little redesigning of my blog, changed up the background and the fonts and made it prettier :) which is always for the best!

So my mom and I went garage sale-ing in KC the other day. I got LOTS of goodies for my new apartment :) I got tonnns of kitchen stuff and a little bit of cleaning stuff, plus one of my favorite card games, Uno!
I'm so excited to move into my apartment. I move in 12 days! (That's August 6th for those of you who can't count. No judgment.) I'm not sure it's actually hit me yet that I'm moving out of my parents' house FOR GOOD. Yeah, it's my second year of college (I'm a college SOPHOMORE. It's wack!) so I technically "moved out" last year when I went to college, but this is different. This year I will be sharing an apartment with my friend Heather, and our lease is from August 2011 to August 2012. I was talking to my best friend about it and she was like, "You realize you'll be sleeping on the couch when you come back home to visit." That's when it sort of hit me. I was like "Oh my gosh, I'll be 20 in two months and I'm growing up and becoming more independent." But life is good :) I'm so blessed and I really can't complain about anything because my blessings outweigh my complaints.

I hope everyone's summer has been fantastic, and enjoy the last of it while you can! :)
Also, does anyone else think it's crazy and messed up that it's hotter here (in KS) than it is in Florida?!

xoxo,
n.

Quotes? Well sure :)

Just some quotes that I feel are relevant to my life right now :)



Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

Progress always involves risk; you can't steal second base and keep your foot on first. -Frederick Wilcox

Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end. -Unknown

The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter.

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right and forget the ones that don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it. -Anonymous

When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.    

Relationships...

They take A LOT of work.
You just have to decide whether you're willing to commit as much as the other person.
You have to decide if it's worth it, and if you're going to give it your all.

But you might as well take a risk, because otherwise, you'll never know what could have been. Either way, if you're following God, you'll end up where He wants you to be.

I'm Going Crazy

So this is the last full week of college classes before finals start. Also my last week of work for the school year. In case anyone was wondering or also slightly (or majorly) concerned, I AM INDEED GOING CRAZY.


Seriously. It's only Tuesday? Are you kidding me?! This week is going by sooooo slow. I'm a social butterfly so I love having things to do, but I'm seriously just ready to relax and have NO plans. I have way too much to do this week, but oddly enough, I'm not stressed. Just feeling tired already. Not even exhausted or sleepy tired, but more or less mentally tired of everything.


I can't wait for Sunday to roll around so I can head home for Mother's Day. As a poor college student, I appreciate my mommy NOT asking for anything that costs a lot of money. All she wants is for us to have a girls' day and plant flowers around the house. I'm super stoked! It's supposed to be in the 80s so that will be fantastic. Get a little tan (or in my case, burn) while spending some quality time with mi madre. Yes :) Also, get to spend a little time at home. I don't have any finals next week until Thursday and Friday, so there's no need for me to come back to ESU until Wednesday (to study, of course). Also my Thursday final is at 8 AM so I'm definitely not waiting to drive 3 hours back on Thursday morning.


Tomorrow is Star Wars Day, and I have no Star Wars clothes. I feel that this is a slight problem. Probably should stop by Walmart after work and see if there's any Yoda stuff or anything. My bff Jon keeps telling me I can just tie/tape/somehow attach my Yoda kite to my body tomorrow, but I feel like that would be difficult. I'm brain dead this week. There's no room for creative abilities when it comes to attaching Yoda kites to my body. I feel a t-shirt would be much more satisfactory for everyone involved (meaning, me).


My room feels somewhat like a meat freezer right now. It's quite cold and not enjoyable at all. My nose is even running. What the heck?!


Got our college yearbook yesterday. Just gonna throw this out there: Disappointment. Seriously. I mean the cover looks cool but that's about it. The yearbook staff here seems pretty unorganized and I'm pretty disappointed with the way they handled this yearbook. But whatever. I'll just attach a picture of me to a random page and call it good.


I WANT THIS WEEK TO BE OVER WITH. I can't handle much more of this. I'm not a patient person, as anyone who knows me will be sure to firmly agree with. I'm tired of dealing with people and situations that I don't want to deal with, and I'm tired of being responsible. That sounds awful, I know, but it's true. It's the end of the semester, literally, and I just want to be done with college for now so I don't have to do anything. I can sleep in and not worry about having to get up for classes or work or anything else that my little social self has to do. I can also sleep soundly through the night and not fall asleep fearing the fire alarm that is sure to go off at 2:30 AM every day this week AND next week because no one obviously gives a flip about the person who is pulling the fire alarm. I don't know, I mean if it were up to me, I'd try to at least catch the person so that the whole freaking freshman class wasn't annoyed and out for blood during Dead Week and Finals Week. Ha, funny though, it's called Dead Week and I know several people who are willing to contribute to that in the literal way. But enough about that. So morbid, tisk tisk.




Okay I'm done rambling on and on. Gotta head to work soon.
xoxo, n.

Random? I Think Yes.

Okay, so for one, I can't get over how addicted I am to E.T. by Katy Perry. I'm not even like a huge Katy Perry fan or anything. And I also started out hating this song lol. I'm listening to it now, FYI. But that really has nothing to do with this post. I'm just random :) P.S. If you haven't seen the music video for it yet, you're NOT missing out. It's so messed up and creepy and weird. Quite a catchy song though :)


So anyway. Update on my life. Currently still wondering what the heck I'm going to do next year for living arrangements. And yes, I'm still staying at ESU, haven't changed my mind yet again on that lol. But my living situation for next year has changed so many times it's ridiculous. I've learned to not stress about it though. God will work everything out and things will be okay. But wherever I live for next year, I really really REALLY hope they allow cats because I freaking miss my cat so much. Yeah, I know, she's the most hateful specimen on this planet Earth, but I still love her! She's my baby :)


Also, in case anyone is wondering right now, I'm starving. I'm hungry ALL THE TIME.


I'm really super duper excited because my bff Amanda is coming up in TWO DAYS! I can't wait to see her. It has been too long. Out of all my friends throughout the years, Amanda and I have remained close. Friends seem to come and go throughout high school and college and yeah, that's sad, but it also helps you find out who your true friends are. And Amanda is definitely my true friend. I love that girl to pieces.


ALSO, I've been having the craziest dreams lately. I can't control them, obviously, but seriously! My brain must visit crazy land when I'm asleep or something. Or maybe I somehow accidentally consume a strange amount of drugs and trip while I'm sleeping because that would also make sense as an explanation. Just kidding though, I'm no druggie. But really, is there no such thing as a normal dream for me? Oh well.


And one more thing. Why stress about small things? There's no point in sweating the small stuff. That's my conclusion for life lately. Will it matter in a year? Probably not. So don't stress it! :)


I know, this post was extremely pointless and probably a waste of your time. But I'm a random girl and felt like posting a random blog. So ta-da! :)


xoxo, n.